So there I was, a little worse for wear after a long session at the pub, I knew that my wife had planned to see her mates having told me in the morning before I left, I said I would probably meet up with a few work mates and do likewise. I was undressing, infact off were coming my pants when I heard that phrase that all men dread. "What's different?" Hell, am I supposed to have a photographic memory? through bleary eyes I saw her standing there, starkers, body beautiful and not a stitch in sight, oh f**k! this means another sleepless night, and in my condition I don't think I could even find it. I looked, I don't remember those rings in her nipples or her c**t ring, but being a male and her female, you have to be 150 sure, or you are in for an ear bashing and I wasn't keen on that, hey that tatoo on her back, that spiders web wasn't there this morning, was it? Now it's getting too complicated, as I looked up her body something suddenly struck me, her hair, wasn't it blonde and short cropped, how the f**k did it become black and half way down her back? Now being a man and valuing my genitals, I decided that I was going to need a pretty damn good reason for not knowing which of these new things that had entered my brain, was what she wanted me to notice. Now a tatoo and c**tnipple rings would show signs of being new, her hair could be a wig, but why? As I pondered I heard footsteps coming up the stairs, "What the f**k are you doing here?" I asked my neighbour Bill, "To be frank mate, what the f**k are you doing here in my house, and with my wife?". "Ah", I replied, after a short pause, "It's the colour of your walls were they not pink?"