Actual quotes from Federal employee performance evaluations: - He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle. - His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity. - I would not allow this employee to breed. -She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them. -Since my last report, he has reached rock bottom and has started to dig. -This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot. -This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't be. -This employee should go far - and the sooner he starts, the better.

-This young lady has delusions of adequacy.