Your best friend is dating someone half their age, and isn't breaking any laws.You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.You can live without sex, but not without glasses.Your back goes out more than you do.You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

You're proud of your lawn mower.

Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper."Getting a little action" means you don't need to take a laxative.You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.

Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.

You're asleep, but others worry you're dead.You give up all your bad habits and you still don't feel good.You sing along with the elevator music.You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.

You learn where your prostate is.People call at 9:00 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"You answer questions with, "Because I said so!"You know what the word "equity" means.Your childhood toys are now in a museum.You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch TV.Your ears are hairier than your head.

You and your teeth don't sleep together.